When Dreams Fail
I write this with a very heavy heart. Many of you are anxiosly awaiting a post about Guatemala, and how wonderful it is, what we are doing, how things are going. This isn’t that post. We should be in Guatemala right now as i write this, but instead i am curled up underneath a blanket in Seattle. Ranger and i are both physcially and emotionally spent from the past few days and we will now offically be hibernating in our Chelan home for the winter. Right now that doesn’t sound half bad.
It started on Sunday. We had just walked into our hotel room after driving the 4 hours through the mountains, dropping our truck off to be stored, and having our friends drive us the 1.5 hour treck into Seattle to our hotel room right by the airport. We sat down to order a pizza when i recieved an email saying our flight to Dallas was cancelled. Then another saying our flight from Dallas to Guatemala was cancelled. I tried not to panic but immediatly called the airline to see whats next.
I could tell you that they got us on the next flight out and everything was just delayed only a bit, but i’d be lying. We waited on hold for 1.5 hours. We talked to the airline and while they were checking on flights they could put us on we were disconnected. It took us almost 2 hours of trying to get through on the lines and then when we got through we were on hold for another 2 hours before we talked to anyone. We obvisouly were not the only ones put off by these cancelled flights. By then it was 10pm and all the other flights were filled. We finally hung up the phones at 11:30pm with our flight changed to soonest availble flight…7 days later.
We had been doing the math in our heads. The tax alone on the hotel room was more then our daily budget! Then there was the actual cost of the room, then food costs. Staying an extra 7 days in Seattle would eat up almost all of our funds we had allotted for the month. We had many many people offer us help and many people who did help us these past few days. But how much can you ask of any one person? Food, housing, transportation for 7 days. There is only so much one can accept without feeling extremely guilty. We are blessed to know such wonderful and willing people. We even tried to get a flight to Omaha so we could stay with our family while we waited things out…but the airline, that will remain anonyamus (cough cough American Airlines) was absolutely a nightmare to deal with!
After two days of soul searching, many tears later, a few breakdowns, and counteless questioning ourselves we decided we would not continue onto Guatemala this year. Are we disappointed? Beyond belief. But we had to make the call and we made the decisioon that was best for us.
This past year has been packed full of changes. It was only a year ago, this exact month, that Ranger left for the Academy to start this dream we had in the very beginning. Ever since we booked this trip to Guatemala it has consumed us. We were so excited, so eager, so caught up in being the word travelors that somewhere in there we lost what we were already doing. We had already fulfilled a dream! We had ditched the typical American Dream lifestyle in search of something more, and we had found it. Then we became the one-uppers. We were one-upping ourselves. We were chasing another dream before truely setteling into our first dream we were conquering.
This is fairly common in dream chasers. I’ve talked to many who feel the same. Once you reach a goal you immediately want to reach another and another. You’re always looking for the next. It’s almost a drug. The dream drug. I don’t think its a bad thing unless it rips you from the present moment and refuses to let you relish the dreams you’re conquering right now.
Somewhere along the planning, and packing, and preparing for this trip we lost ourselves. We lost the point of why we moved to Washington and started this Simple wild life we were looking for. We got away from who we were. I had high hopes for this trip. Hopes it would bring us closer again as a family, patch up some injuries and pains of the past. I had hoped it would be a nice reset button for us all. I warn anyone traveling who wishes this. The universe has its own way of snapping back at you and cutting you down to size.
The truth is you don’t need a big travel experience to reset and fix things, or find yourself. If you go into traveling with the intent on finding yourself, you just may leave more confused. Or you may find yourself not traveling at all. Even if you had the purest of intentions, the world isn’t a place for you to use as your personal space to fix yourself. Does it happen when you travel? Absolutly. I’ve not met a traveler who wasn’t changed after their experience. But you can’t expect it to happen, you can not will it to happen. It just needs to be.
There was so much we were looking forward to with this trip. We have many mixed emotions, as i’m sure you who were invested in this trip do as well. Please know that we feel those emotions and we are being our toughest critics right now.
This is life, this is real life. We aren’t a story. We are a real family with real struggles and tough decisions to make. We make mistakes. We take giant leaps knowing we may fall flat on our faces. We close our eyes and follow dreams. We have reached the biggest dream we set for ourselves. We also fail in life. Dreams slip through fingers and don’t always work the way we intend. This dream to live abroad just wasn’t right for us at this very moment. Will it be right for us later on? Perhaps. But right now we need to get back to who we are, why we are here, and be in the present moment. So that is what we will do. We won’t stop dreaming or reaching for our dreams just because we were knocked down with this one. Don’t ever let one failed dream attempt you from reaching for another. Who knows, maybe the universe has something in store for us soon. We will keep our eyes and hearts open.
Please feel free to leave some non-judgemental love in the comments. I’m listening, i’m here.